HEALTH: 2 + 4 BOYS: MY IVF JOURNEY

When I was 28, I embarked on an ivf journey, that would last for 8 years, and resulted in our two little miracles. I met my partner when I was 21. I was in no rush to have children, I believed that I had plenty of time. Besides, I was young and enjoying life. My partner had a vasectomy during his first marriage, because his wife didn't want children, and at the time, he was happy with that. Then he met me.

Seven years on, after researching the chances of success of a vasectomy reversal vs ivf, we decided to begin our ivf journey, using a private clinic. Early on in our journey, I was given the opportunity to donate my eggs, in exchange for discounted ivf treatment. I deliberated over this for a while. I wasn't motivated to do it only by money. How often does the chance to fulfil a family's dreams present itself? So, there was no question, we opted for donation.

Following several weeks of hormone injections, the moment had come to extract the eggs. Aside from some stomach bruising and bloating, I didn't really mind the injections, they didn't have any effect. The harvesting was emotionally difficult. I was clearly nervous and anxious about what was ahead. It didn't really hurt all that much, and everyone was over the moon that they had harvested 18 eggs. The recipient had 9 and I kept 9. After a few days, we had 2 grade A eggs to transplant!

We were both really anxious, the morning of the transplant. I made every effort to calm myself, since I thought that being nervous, wouldn't be good for the embryo. I laid on the table in my gown and crocks. There were a lot of individuals moving around the room, all of them performing crucial tasks, I'm sure. A woman emerged from a small room in the corner and showed me my embryo on the screen. It just looked like a blob, how could that become a human being!

The only man in the room was the one that would be carrying out the procedure. How apt, that the man was the one that inserted something into my vagina that would hopefully make me pregnant. That didn't really help with my nerves but I was one the bed now, there was no turning back. We had to transfer that little embryo out of the petri dish that had become its home for a few days, to a more comfortable home in my tummy. I opened my legs to the male doctor. I had shaved my hoo-ha that morning, so I knew that he wouldn't have to fight through a beaver bush to carry out the transplant. I wanted to make sure I could do everything I could to help, so I made sure I was bald down there. I'm hoping a vaginal baldness didn't shock the doctor. He probably didn't care, but I did.

Following a successful transplant, there was a two week wait. The was by far the worst part of ivf, it felt like years. I had to force myself not to take a pregnancy test after the first day, even though I knew it would be too early. I don't think the embryo implants for a few days, and then you need your hcg levels to be high enough for a test to pick up.

After two weeks had passed, I took the test, on the day that I was assigned. It was negative. I felt completely destroyed. I had assumed that I would be alright and so hadn't scheduled the day off of work. I had no idea how difficult it would be. I continued to cry uncontrollably. I cried some more. My eyes became swollen, I was numb. I received a call from the clinic, asking about the outcome. After I hung up, I cried once more.

Ivf was emotionally draining. After another 2 failed attempts, the numb feeling and the negative tests, didn't become any easier. I started to believe that it would never happen. We agreed that the fourth time would be the final time. This time, we implanted two eggs and to our surprise, both of the blighters implanted. Wtf! Twins! Shit! Sadly, I miscarried one twin at 10 weeks old, but the other survived and after an easy pregnancy, was born in 2012, weighing 9lb 13oz.

When our little boy was two, we tried again for a sibling. After another failed attempt, we chose to keep all of our embryos this time and so didn't donate. We ended up with 4 grade A embryos. We transferred one and froze the others. Once again, I was pregnant and he was born in 2015. When our youngest was 2, we tried for a 3rd, using our frozen embryos. The first two attempts failed, but after the third round, I got a positive test. We were excited and even started thinking about names. However, at work, I started to bleed. I knew it wasn't good. At 10 weeks pregnant, I miscarried again.

We decided that we had been through enough and that we were already extremely lucky to have our two boys, and so ended our journey.

I look back on the whole experience as a tough time in my life, emotionally and physically. With all of the hormones, I had put on weight, and I had struggled with the emotional toll. If anybody is thinking of beginning their ivf journey and have any questions, please feel free to message me on mylifeofpie@outlook.com.

I contacted the clinic when my youngest child was six months old, to inquire about the results of the cycles in which we provided donated eggs. Four out of the five times that we donated, resulted in successful pregnancies and they were all boys!!! How amazing is that!!! The eldest would be roughly 13 years old and the youngest would be 10. I like to imagine what they might look like, what they enjoyed doing, whether the liked playing football like my two. I just hope they are loved as much as I love my two.